I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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