found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
