I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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