We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
