There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
