I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
