I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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