Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize