I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
