Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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