I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize