I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
