Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
