Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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