gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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