just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
