Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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