I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize