none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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