i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
