You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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