He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
