If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
