hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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