i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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