we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
