Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
