OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
