Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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