THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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