i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
