His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
