I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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