I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
