i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
