they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
