i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
