So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
