i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
