well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
