dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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