Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
