its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
