My sheets look like a crime scene.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
