P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
