You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
a search helicopter?!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
