i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
