There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
