I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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