apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
