I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
