ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
