I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
