Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So vagazzling was a success
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
