Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
