I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
