She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
