Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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