i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
