i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize