It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
