"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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