I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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