In the future we'll all be gay
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
