By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
