My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
