I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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