don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
