This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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