I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Randomize
