My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
