Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize