my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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