you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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