I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
