Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
