Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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