Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
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