so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize