People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
