it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I need to stop coming to work sober
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
