1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
