Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
