You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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