i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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