So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
