I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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