my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
