Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
