Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
