Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
