Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
