The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i think im in europe. pls send help
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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