Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
