Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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