How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
